Why I Stopped Trying to Build My Business Alone And What Changed When I Did

There's a particular kind of loneliness that comes with building a business online.

It's not dramatic. Nobody talks about it much. It's just... there. Low and steady, like background noise you've gotten so used to that you stop noticing it until someone turns it off.

That was me for a long time. Working hard, figuring things out, growing in ways I was proud of — and doing pretty much all of it by myself.

This post is about what finally changed. And why I ended up building a community for freelancers because of it.

What Building a Business Alone Actually Feels Like

Here's the thing: I wasn't actually alone. I had friends. I had family. I had people who loved me and supported me.

They just didn't get it.

The Kind of Lonely Nobody Talks About

Not lonely like "no one to call" lonely. More like... nobody around you truly understands what you're going through.

No one to debrief a weird client situation with — the kind where you need five minutes with someone who's been there, not someone who'll say "oh that's so stressful" and move on.

No one who knows why a random Tuesday milestone feels enormous. Why getting a testimonial from a specific client actually means something. Why a particular bad week hits differently when you're solo.

The coworker who'd poke their head in and ask how your morning's going? That doesn't exist anymore. The water cooler energy — the ambient background hum of other people just being there — gone.

Research backs this up. Around half of remote workers say their working arrangements make them feel less connected to the people around them. And two-thirds of workers surveyed say they feel lonely at work sometimes or often. Two-thirds. That's not a fringe experience. That's most of us.

Why "Just Put Yourself Out There" Doesn't Actually Fix It

I tried the networking things. I joined the Facebook groups. I showed up to the virtual events.

And it helped — sort of. In the same way that being in a crowded coffee shop helps. You're technically around people, but it doesn't make you feel less alone. It just changes the backdrop.

Most online groups turn into promo threads fast. Somebody shares a win, three people drop their lead magnets, somebody asks a question and gets seventeen responses that are actually just pitches in disguise.

That's not community. That's just noise with better aesthetics.

There's a real difference between being around people and actually feeling connected. I kept bumping into the first thing when I was looking for the second.

What I Was Actually Looking For

I knew what I didn't want. I didn't want more strategy. I had plenty of that — courses I'd taken, frameworks I knew, content I could post. What I wanted was people.

Specifically: people who were in it.

Not a Mastermind. Not a Course. Something Else.

I wasn't looking for someone to tell me what to do. I was looking for someone to think out loud with. To send a voice memo on a Wednesday when something weird happened with a client. To celebrate something small with someone who actually understood why it was big.

I wanted the thing that happens when you find your people — that specific exhale. The one where you stop performing and just exist.

The Thing I Kept Looking for and Couldn't Find

Here's what I couldn't seem to find in one place:

A community where women were actually honest about the hard stuff. Not the strategic kind of "vulnerable" where you share the struggle so you can reveal the win — just actually real. Low-pressure. Friendship-first.

And affordable. Because every community that seemed halfway right was priced like a luxury item. I wasn't looking for another $297/month membership I'd feel guilty about not using.

I wanted something built more like a standing invitation than an obligation. Show up when you can. Be where you are. No gold stars for perfect attendance.

What Changed When I Stopped Going It Alone

I'm going to be honest here, because the internet version of this story usually has a clear before-and-after: I found my community and everything transformed.

Real life is messier than that.

The Practical Shifts

What actually changed was smaller and more important. I started making decisions differently.

Not because I had better information — but because I had people to think with. Talking something through with someone who understood the nuance meant I stopped second-guessing myself so much. The decision didn't change, but my confidence in it did.

Accountability looked different too. Not accountability in the "here's my goal for the week, check in on me" way. More like... I had people in my corner who I wanted to show up for. It made me more consistent — not because I had to be, but because I wanted to be.

And collaborations started happening that never would have come from strategic networking. The best ones came from genuine friendships. From someone knowing what I was working on because we'd actually talked, not because I'd pitched them on it.

The Personal Ones

The thing I hadn't expected: I remembered that what I was building was worth it.

When you're going it alone, it's easy to lose the thread. The work is real but the reinforcement is thin. Nobody's watching. Nobody's celebrating. You're in your own head a lot, and your own head is not always a reliable narrator.

Having people around me who were building too — who got excited about the same weird stuff I got excited about, who understood the stakes — that changed the texture of the work itself. It felt less like labor and more like something I was doing with people, even when I was technically doing it by myself.

According to Upwork's freelancing research, 60% of freelancers work remotely, compared to 32% of non-freelance professionals. That's a lot of people doing something inherently social — building relationships, serving clients, creating work that matters to real humans — in complete isolation. The work requires connection. The setup removes it. That's the gap I was trying to close.

Why I Built The Modern Woman — A Community for Freelancers and Creative Women

I built The Modern Woman because I needed it. That's the whole origin story, and I'm not going to dress it up.

I looked for the thing I described above and couldn't find it. So I built it.

What It Is

A membership community for women who are building something — a freelance business, a creative project, a life that actually feels like theirs — and don't want to do it alone.

Connection calls twice a month where we actually talk to each other. Honest conversation threads. A space to show up as you are this week, not as who you're trying to become.

Low cost because access matters. I'm not building a luxury product. I'm building the thing I would have paid anything to have when I was figuring this out by myself.

What It's Not

Not a coaching program. Not a course. Not a hustle tribe.

No homework. No performance. No pressure to have your sh*t together before you're allowed to belong.

You don't have to be succeeding to be welcome here. You just have to be in it.

Who It's For

Freelancers and creatives who are tired of pretending they've got it figured out. Women in a season of change who need a soft place to land. Anyone who's ever had that specific thought — I just need someone who gets it — and came up empty.

If that's you, The Modern Woman is where you belong.

Conclusion

I spent a long time thinking that needing people while building a business was a weakness — that the goal was to become self-sufficient enough that community was optional.

I was wrong.

The strongest businesses I've watched women build weren't built in isolation. They were built with people in the room — or the group chat, or the DMs at 11pm on a Tuesday.

Building alone is possible. Building with people is better.

If you want the full story — from HR to COVID pivot to online business — that's here. Or if you're ready to stop going it alone, come find your people.

Frequently Asked Questions About Finding Community as a Freelancer

Is it normal to feel lonely as a freelancer?

Very. The flexibility and independence of freelancing are real benefits — but the loss of a built-in work community is a real cost. Remote workers are the most prone to experiencing work loneliness, with over 93% reporting that they have felt lonely at work at some point. This isn't a personality flaw. It's just the honest tradeoff that comes with doing something on your own.

What should I look for in an online community for freelancers?

Look for one where real conversation is actually encouraged — not just resource drops and promo threads. The best communities feel less like a classroom and more like a group chat. Low cost doesn't mean low value. Some of the most meaningful communities are the most accessible ones.

How is a paid membership community different from a free Facebook group?

Paid communities tend to attract people who are genuinely committed to showing up. Free groups often become noisy fast — everyone's posting, nobody's really connecting. A membership creates just enough investment that people show up with intention. That changes the whole energy.

Can online friendships actually help your business?

Yes — and the data backs this up. According to freelance research, word-of-mouth and referrals are the second most common way freelancers find work, used by about a third of all freelance professionals. The stronger your relationships, the stronger your business. Community isn't a soft benefit. It's a strategy.

I'm introverted. Is community still worth it?

Completely. The Modern Woman isn't a networking event — it's more like a slow-moving group chat where you show up when you have something to say. There's no obligation to be on every call or respond to every thread. Introverts often end up being the most consistent members because the format fits them — small, intentional, no pressure to perform.

What is The Modern Woman community?

It's a low-cost membership community built for freelancers, creatives, and women building something real — who don't want to do it alone. Friendship-first, pressure-free, accessible by design. Get on the waitlist at toriehelsel.com/community and you'll be the first to know when doors open.

Want more of the honest version of building an online business? Get on the email list — it's less newsletter, more voice memo from a friend who's figuring it out alongside you.